It may happen sooner or it may happen later, but it happens to most couples and even if they have been trying hasten the process, they are rarely ready for the news. ‘We’re having a baby’ comes as a surprise to all of us and is greeted with a mixture of joy and fear.
The pregnant mother has one advantage over the father: she is constantly reminded of the fact that something is growing inside of her. The father just sort of takes her and the doctor’s word for it. If he was not the sole provider before the pregnancy, he is likely to be, at least for awhile, after the baby comes.
A feeling of dread sometimes spoils the joy of pregnancy, at least on occasion. The mother doesn’t think she’s going to be able to cope with nine whole months of being pregnant and the father doesn’t think he’s going to be up to the demands of fatherhood.
Nevertheless, we get a grip on ourselves and get on with our lives. We take a trip downtown to look at baby cribs and talk about the other things we’ll need for the new arrival. If we’ve been happy just to cruise in our jobs, we realize we’re going to have to get serious about our careers.
Right from the beginning, we start to give up some things we want in favor of the baby’s needs. The mother who has had her eye on a new bedding collection for her bedroom agrees that the money would be better spent on a crib. The baby becomes the first priority.
Sure, the husband isn’t thrilled about the fact that he’s going to have to put off buying the husqvarna chainsaw he’s had his eye on. Nonetheless, he does put it off, usually without complaint. He knows he didn’t really need it that much anyway.
Men, who are biologically left out of the loop during pregnancy, often feel a sense of unreality about the whole thing until the baby is born. They may be imagining playing ball with their son or holding their daughter’s hand as they cross the street together, but they rarely consider the fact that babies don’t pop out as six or seven year olds. They know it intellectually, of course, but in the world of their imagination, they will rarely anticipate being awakened regularly in the night or having their bouncing baby puke on their new suit.
None of that really matters anyway, though. While a pregnant mother doesn’t give a moment’s thought to feeding the baby while its inside of her, it gets fed anyway. While a father has absolutely no experience at being a father, it happens anyway. Nature seems to have done a good job of preparing us, since billions of couples have done their job as parents pretty well over the years.